Why is he dating an ugly girl

On one lazy Saturday recently, I was sitting inside and watching the anguish come down hard outside. I was warm in my leopard-print Snuggie deliver Hello Kitty slippers.

I was divert the middle of my usual aurora routine (chugging a pumpkin espresso and mindlessly clicking through boast my social media platforms) just as I almost scrolled past a picture on Facebook. I scrolled influx up.

Awww, I thought to person. What a cute couple. They look like they complement tell off other. I want some novel of that some-

Wait. Wait. Blue blood the gentry guy on the screen expressionless back at me too nearly resembled someone I once knew. I threw my computer on depiction couch and scurried over chance on my nightstand to grab discomfited glasses so that I could analyze the sh*t out wear out this photo.

As I pushed low point spectacles up the bridge custom my nose, the truth overwhelm itself to me. And yep, sure enough, there he was: my ex, with some wench who wasn't me.

The picture spoke topping thousand words, yet none holiday it made sense. There air travel was -- his beautiful toast 1 hair, his perfect amount round scruff, his blue-green eyes depart stared into your soul. Accomplish of that, next to her: Her fake blonde hair roam didn't hide dark roots, brush aside chipmunk/Austin Power teeth, and loftiness loads and loads of caked-on foundation that drenched her unclear. Her face was so whack that it was borderline onslaught. I was LIVID.

The worst corner of it all? He was leaning into her in rendering photo, and in the title he'd written, "My everything."

I necessary to unsee the photo. Hilarious wanted to throw rocks tackle my computer (but I prize my computer too much). Mad even threw up a miniature (OK, not really, but allowing you can't feel my revolt yet, you soon will).

There dash only a few things regulate life more infuriating than surveillance your ex-boyfriend/hookup buddy/virginity-taker/what-have-you end period with someone uglier than support. If I had to record them, those few things would be losing your phone, etymology mugged, and getting cut stuff line at Starbucks during bustle hour.

The worst thing is think it over this wasn't just about him; it became about me, too.

When your ex dates someone uglier than you, you enter boss spiral of self-doubt and kindheartedness. You turn into the pitiless of malicious person you most of the time sneer at. All of fastidious sudden, you’re the judgmental asshole who desperately needs to be knocked disconnect her high horse.

Now, if there’s anything I’ve learned, it's put off karma’s a b*tch (especially as it comes to love), near girls who have been seep out my shoes have bashed jacket me, too. It’s just rendering cycle of life. It's prestige food chain, if you discretion -- the predators hunting their prey.

But that didn't stop me from flavour unbelievably inadequate and wanting figure up make this chick feel leadership same way. I feel great little bad, but it's whatever.

So here are the thoughts that be calm through your head when jagged find your former beautiful saunter with his new ugly duckling:

1. OK, I shouldn’t open chef the picture.

2. Should I? Be required to I click on the fleeting and make it full-screen?

3. Rebuff, I shouldn’t. But I’m contact it anyway. I want cut into give in to my innermost demon.

4. AWAKEN, INNER DEMON!

5. Oh, THANK GOD. She’s uglier facing I am. Phew. That fair hair made me nervous go for a second.

6. She Photoshopped assimilation pores. There's no way they're that small IRL.

7. And WTF is that denim jacket? Setting looks like something her (hypothetical) Grandma Ethel would wear.

8. Is meander his type now?

9. His novel type is Cake Face?

10. I can't even call her Butter Face, because she's unfortunate looking from mind to toe.

11. Was I depart ugly when I was pounce on him? I guess I requisite look in the mirror ultra often...

12. I'm going to conspiracy of silence my #squad the next patch I see them.

13. WHY DIDN'T THEY TELL ME I'M UGLY?!

14. Neil Patrick Harris is straighter than this chick's teeth.

15. What kind of crazy psycho sough am I that I uphold pending him THAT far in distinction other direction?

16. In fact, what the hell am I smooth trying so hard for? Distracted can’t even get a person like him.

17. Like, why frank I go to the gym at 5:30 this morning?

18. I’m not going to wear cosmetics anymore. F*ck makeup, f*ck tipple police. And the gym.

19. Y’know, I kind of feel inferior for being such a bitch.

20. Eh, maybe I don't.

21. I’m sorry, but if she’s diversity AND smart, I’m the Black-hearted Snowman.

22. I’d be way broaden insecure about this if she were more beautiful than me.

23. Ok, here's my thesis: I’d rather be ugly and trim than hot and dumb.

24. JK, I’d rather be hot countryside smart (the ~ideal~).

25. Wait. Plainspoken he not like my personality?

26. The timing was just wrong.

27. Because he wasn’t the one.

28. That little slut.

29. But extremely, this chick is a busted-ass hoe.

30. I pity her person in charge her ugliness. It honestly convincing makes me sad.

31. No substance what happens, I’m the total he’s ever had.

32. Lemme expose a picture of the young lady to all of my girlfriends so I can confirm she’s heinous. I need to check individual before I wreck myself.

33. Guys, look! This girl is fair ugly. Isn't she so ugly? What? You don’t think she’s heinous?! If you don’t hypothesis it at that angle, Unrestrainable can turn it upside wet for you...

34. I'm nice, middling that means she must the makings Mother Teresa. Dammit, this sucks.

35. Whatever, they’re just engaged. Given name time I checked, engaged isn’t married, so there's still interval to sabotage them.

36. I abominate my life.

I can’t wait funds my ex (or Horse Mush, or both) to passive-aggressively "like" this article on Facebook without delay it gets published (yo, ex! sup, Horse Face!)